Fear

I just had a seriously disturbing 'ah-ha' moment. First, I'm a huge critic of people who live in fear. Not real fear, obviously, but imagined fears. The stuff that keeps people awake at night, the stuff that keeps people from realizing their full potential, all the what-ifs and excuse making for not just stepping off the edge.The ah-ha moment came when I realized that I was thwarting my own goals by refusing to accept money for my work! Yeah. Stupid. I'm one of 'those people'. I guess that one little false nugget of wisdom my step-father left me with stuck but good. He used to say, "If you do good work, your boss or your customers will see it and pay what you're worth." Uh, no. Not ever in my adult life has that even remotely borne out. People pay what you tell them you're worth, even if your work is poop and your character even poopier, if you say your thumbdingles are worth $1000 a shantar, then that's what people will have to pay to get one of your 'rare' thumbdingles!

So, this fear, it is mostly reflected in putting up roadblocks to my own success, like not following through with commitments, either to myself or others. I commit in the wrong places a lot too, just so I have an excuse not to commit where it will do me the most good. This was most evident to me today when I had that ah-ha moment.  I thought, dang, I'm getting a lot of requests for an advanced perfumery course, I just need to do it, but if I do it, I'll make more money, and if I make more money, I'll be committed, and if I'm committed I'm no longer 'free', and then there's the problems that come with more money, like more liability (commitment). And didn't I say it wasn't all about the money? You see where I tripped myself up? If I'm not in it for the money, then subconsciously I'm doing stuff to prevent myself from making money so that statements remains true. I'm hurting myself here, and I really need to stop. Fear doesn't get to win.

To making money!