Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Learning to Let Go

Let me begin by apologizing for leaving my loyal readers hanging, so to speak. I know you must all be on tenterhooks wondering what's happened to me, right? In a word - Lots.

Rose Garden Rose

The SF Fragrance Salon was great, and it wasn't. If you've been following the chatter on Facebook, you already know the problems associated with TasteTV and their ambivalence toward the fragrance community. The signs they supplied were evidence enough of that. On the other hand, the perfumers were fabulous. What a great and wonderful group of people I am happy to say I am a part of. And what's come from the Salon and its dismissive attitude toward US has spurred a new kind of perfume show, run by a perfumer(s) specifically geared toward perfumers. FRAGments is up and running and the first ever show is June 22, 2013 in Los Angeles.

Rose Garden Rose

The trip to SF and Berkeley was about more than just the Salon. It was an experience I will never forget, mostly because I came without accoutrements, i.e. my shield of family. Whenever I go to any event out of town, and even a few things here in town, I tow along a kid, or my mom. A protective cloak of diversion to keep me from being me -- or, rather, to keep me from discovering me. Even the person I rode into SF with to attend the salon had at one point reminded me I didn't need to stick close by her side, that I could go off and do my own thing. It was as if I'd been waiting for permission. Do you think it odd that a woman of my age is still feeling these things out? The sad fact is, I've NEVER been alone. Not really. I helped raise my younger siblings, and then when I was ready to go out on my own finally, I had a child of my own, and thus began this process of hiding myself under the responsibility of motherhood, until now, when I feel the burden of helping to raise grandchildren becoming more than I can bear. I'm ready to strike out on my own. In fact, I was once again reminded of my dependency on my 'shield' last night when I asked my daughter if she wanted to ride to the store with me to grab a few things for dinner, and her reply was, "Why can't you go anywhere by yourself?" This time I realized that I wasn't asking her along for company or to block the world out, but because I was already in my pajamas and didn't want to go into the store myself, instead I wanted to send her in. But her saying that brought all that to the fore once again, so I pulled on some jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed my car keys and left to shop on my own. I can see now how just being lazy is perceived as me being self-protective, and even that is lazy. So my goal this year is to do everything, or almost everything, alone.
Rose Garden Roses Bouquet

Remember back at the beginning of March when I mentioned the impending closing of the office where I work? Well, it turns out it might not be closing, but downsizing, and I've been retained and somewhat promoted (not really, just placed closer to the front door), but only after three employees were laid off -- one who'd worked there 26 years, another 22 years, and yet another 15 years. It was a sad, sad day Monday when they got their pink slips. I thought for sure I'd be the first on the chopping block being the last one hired and the least necessary, but it turns out economics came into play first and foremost. A part-time employee is a lot cheaper to retain than a full-time, fully benefited employee, and a part-time employee who's had previous experience in different departments is more useful than one that has to be trained.

Closed Rose Garden Rose
Needless to say since March 1 my mind has been on other more immediately pressing issues of survival than on perfume and perfumery, though perfume and all it represents lingers in the fringes of my mind every waking moment. I returned from the Bay Area with bags of goodies once again, and I will be starting up the 365 Days of Olfaction series utilizing these bits and baubles of scent. I was inspired to create more edibles, and I did for days after returning from Berkeley, until the sugar and gelatin ran out. I've a lot of sorting to do and once I have I will unveil the new line of scentedibles. In the meantime, enjoy these lovely pictures of homemade perfumed Easter ~ Ostara marshmallows.



Rose Petal & Fresh Bergamot Peel Marshmallow
Rose Petal & Fresh Bergamot Peel Marshmallow Loaf
Spearmint Leaf Tea Marshmallow
Spearmint Leaf Tea Marshmallow Loaf Cut



8 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:17 AM

    YAY!! (and YUM!!!)

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    Replies
    1. The rose/bergamot were given as gifts for Easter and were eaten within an hour of giving them away -- they were soooo good. Unbelievably good.

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  2. That's a relief! Now you can concentrate on finding somewhere new and lovely to live - or is that on the back burner ?
    I have the opposite tendency to you - spend too much time on my own! It's all about not being dependent on being a certain way isn't it, because that is limiting.
    When you do things on your own you don't have to make any compromises - you can do just what you want! If I said that to my sister she would say -'but I don't know what i want!' Aha, time to find out.
    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Living arrangements are ok for the time being, but yes, at some point I will have to find something else. I'm in a holding position, but at least I can pay the rent!

      You're right about not making compromises and doing what you want -- I grew up being taught that was selfishness but I don't believe that anymore. Taking care of and nurturing yourself is one of the best things you can do for your family, and it doesn't detract from the care and attention they get. I kind of know what I want and I'm more than ready to find out what else is out there :)

      Thanks for the lovely post, Maggie Emm.

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  3. Go Justine! Fabulous post! It's so interesting all of our facets. Thank you.

    xoxox~Laurie

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    Replies
    1. Facets like a well-cut gemstone -- yes, we're all like that. Love you much Miss Laurie!

      xo

      j

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  4. Maggie M.7:56 PM

    Oh my, you keep tapping into these deep veins! Letting go for me is the equivalent of breathing out. It took me years to figure that one out. When we're born we breathe in for the first time, when we die we release for the last time and everything in-between is a flow. As an only child I had to deal mostly with the boredom of being alone, but I have to say that I crave it now. If I don't get time to myself on a daily basis, I feel deprived! Go figure.

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    Replies
    1. I've always wanted to be left alone having spent the majority of my life as a living jungle gym for various youngsters; siblings and my own. Now their lives are complicated with grown up issues and it's just too much, they still want to leave their problems at my feet to solve for them and I simply cannot. I'm not wired for it anymore. I'm rewiring for progress and independence and adventure. I feel like my granddaughter must when she tears off her diaper and dances around during 'naked time', I'm ready to bare all, figuratively speaking, of course :)

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