Saturday, June 11, 2016

Bleakity Bleak Bleakiness

Un. Motiv. Ated.


What to do?

I think this all boils down to the big change with the kids moving and taking the babies (well, they weren't going to leave them here, right?) And my ill-perceived belief that I'm losing it -- it being whatever bit of magic that makes my wares so special to some people. I know this isn't true. It's the allergic reaction to the cat that's talking, or the downswing in sales this past month, or the crappy book review (of my book) that I just read, or -- existential crisis much? I used to get these 'meaning of my life' depressive pits more often when I was younger, say 20 or so years ago; not so much these days, but still often enough that it throws life into chaos with a tailspin imminent, or what passes as a tailspin for me -- lack of motivation, feeling entirely uninspired, wondering what the fck I have to contribute, and why I should even try. I'll get through it. I always do, and then often kick out something from the recesses of my darkened, gelatinous mind that even I wonder at. I must be on the tail end of this 'crisis' or I wouldn't have offered myself that bit of light.

This bleak outlook I'm suffering from might also have to do with the hubs being off work for a month. It's depressing as hell being treated like a five-year-old who can't seem to manage going for a walk without his majesty tagging along to keep me 'safe'; talking non-stop, oohing and ouching, complaining about this or that, and generally making what should be an exhilarating experience of peace and tranquility and 'being one with nature', blah, blah, blah, an experience of -- well, bleakness! Geesh. I'm pretty sure if a bear were to pop out of the woods where I walk, I could outrun hubs fairly easily, so maybe that's how he's planning to keep me safe, acting as bear bait. I just for once would like to go shopping without his majesty breathing down my neck asking if I wouldn't like to buy this brand over that brand, or something else entirely, or maybe come back another day -- a carrot is a carrot, for sh*t's sake!

The bleakness may also be a result of this absurd, ridiculous, criminal, crappy presidential race. That's all I'm going to say about it. Well, one more thing -- BLEAK!

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