Wednesday, June 03, 2009

A Day In the Life of a Glamorous Perfumer

Standing in front of the kitchen sink -- again. It's a 24-7 job keeping up with dishes and perfumery tools. Cups, spoons, forks, watch out for the sharp knife, ooh, that's a broken glass dropper(!), what's this crap(?), epoxy? "Who put glue in my dilution bottle?" Oh, not epoxy, labdanum resin and something with chunks, and, oh, it smells nice, what else is in there(?), so what to wash first? Dishes or perfume stuff?

Dishes win.

Somebody, y'know that guy? Yeah, Somebody used my ultrasonic to clean a corn cob pipe. I kid you not. Wonder what they're planning to use that pipe for? Well, nothing now, because if Somebody wants it back, they're going to have to ask what happened to their pipe and then I'll have them. That flippin' Somebody . . . Scrubbed out the ultrasonic and put the lid back on it -- with tape. How dare they use this complicated, expensive piece of perfumery equipment for their nefarious activities.

My underwear have been disappearing. I know it has nothing to do with perfumery (thank heavens!), but I felt compelled to share. They've been disappearing out of the wash and I'd been wracking my brain trying to figure out what was going on when it was discovered that the kids have been putting the clean laundry baskets in the perfume room, which was the den, and that has a sliding glass door that rarely gets closed, and the dogs, that's plural, dogs, have been sneaking in and taking my drawers out of the baskets into the backyard and tearing them up under the bushes.

So not only do I have to worry about hateful people trying to ruin my reputation, there are dogs eating my underpants. Is this a curse? Because if it is, how lame.

Going to the garden to get lemon leaves for distillation. Maybe some olive leaves, too. Can olive leaves be distilled?

Guess I'll find out.

And I'll let you know.


  1. Oh, heck, it's just the dogs stealing your drawers?

    I had this theory about Underpants Gnomes, and Profit somewhere in there... (Still my favorite South Park).

    If olive leaves can be solvent-extracted, I'd imagine they can be distilled. You have an olive tree?! Woot.

  2. Anonymous7:23 PM

    i, too, love finding the smoking accessories or the piff as they call it these days.(love to know if they enjoyed smoking the catnip i swapped it out for once)
    charming, too when they have to ask for the missing pipe they were "holding for a friend". fun, this parenting gig, eh?

  3. Sara,

    Yeah, I didn't notice it at first, the lack of drawers -- then after a while, when I realized I was washing four pair and they were all I had left, it hit me -- thieves!

    I'm really antsy about distilling again. I feel the need to have something bubbling away all the time. Maybe I have Distillation OCD.

  4. HAHAHA, well even though Arwen has chewed up a lot of things and performed quite exeptional tricks (like getting a bag of doggie chewies out of a drawer appr. 180cm up), she has not been getting at my undies. But that might be cause they are of the granny kind??? ROFLMAO.

  5. Anon,
    It's definitely an adventure (I keep telling myself that because -- well, you know why).

    I like to say, "Everything changes every day," so I'm somewhat prepared for those unexpected "adventures" -- like the hash pipe in the ultrasonic, and the water balloon fight in the front yard that turned out to be a water condom fight.

    Yeah, what a gig.

  6. Ylva,

    Apparently MY dogs LIKE granny panties. Just love 'em to death, they do! They don't eat my daughter's underwear, but that could be because hers are just postage stamps and thread and they can't FIND them in the laundry . . .

    One of the dogs snuck in and "cleaned" the litter box earlier this morning. Thanks, puppy! I don't know what freaks me out more, that they eat panties or eat cat poo!

  7. Hey, you know, the cat's not all bad... it leaves those crunchy tootsie rolls in the litter box.

    My coworker has a dog who practically swoons for cat poo. UGH.

    A water condom fight? *sigh*. At least they have condoms on hand?

  8. Thank you for making me laugh today! I'm just catching up on posts and this one had me cracking up. It soooo hits home.

    I have one of those "Somebodys" and his panty loving pooch at my home too. I was feeling alone in my torture until today.

  9. Thank you for making me laugh today! I'm just catching up on posts and this one had me cracking up. It soooo hits home.

    I have one of those "Somebodys" and his panty loving pooch at my home too. I was feeling alone in my torture until today.

  10. Sara,

    Yes, at least they have condoms on hand, even if they abuse them. I won't go there.

    I used to have a little pug dog, Mr. Stumpy, who had a serious cat poo addiction. Never let that dog lick me and I would totally freak when I caught him slurping up one of the kids' faces. Blech.

  11. Jules,

    Sadly, this kind of situation is universal, or at least relate-able.

    Happy to have made you laugh. Small victories :D



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