Friday, February 05, 2010

Because of my kids . . .

. . . I once paid $300 for a tampon.

Because of my kids, my ex was able to use the word "frayed" in a creative way:
School "Mr. ******, your son's pants are frayed and frayed pants are out of dress code."
The Ex. "Well, what're his pants "frayed" of? Gettin' hemmed?"

Because of my kids, I learned that weed is NOT dope, but dope is sh*t, and sh*t is whack.

Because of my kids, the entire neighborhood thinks I'm running a meth lab in my perfume studio.

3 comments:

  1. The language stuff gives me fits. I must be a fuddy duddy or something. Nah, I think I always had problems with nouns being traded around like lunches at school.

    I was on the bus on my way home recently, and could not understand a single thing the kids were saying.

    One of my younger coworkers tried to use turn whack from a verb into an adjective, a few years ago, and I corrected him. Oh, what a blank look he gave me.

    Just think though, when you write the great American novel, this will all be hysterically funny material to draw from!

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  2. If you have kids, you have to understand some of the language or you're totally lost (hell, I'm usually totally lost anyway!)The most disturbing thing is all this adulteration of language is almost always about drugs.

    After I told Scott about the 'weed is not dope' post, he said, "Okay, catch this. Get a twomp and a pezo, but get the six dollar one, not the three dollar one 'cuz you'll crack 'em with a flame." Translation is: A twomp is a twenty dollar sack of meth, a pezo is a glass meth pipe that they sell legally in the stores because they are, quote, oil burners, unquote. The dope gets too hot and cracks the cheap ones faster. And the more expensive ones are better.

    Having said all that, he doesn't do meth, but he's known a few people who do, and have, plus he pays attention to what's going on around him. Plus I think he likes freaking me out a little :)

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  3. Okay, now I'm afraid. I've heard a little of that chatter on the bus. Thank Scotty for me, eh :)

    I have tweakers and crackheads about three blocks away, FWIW. The crackheads resemble tall birds, doing these odd circles as they keeping looking over one shoulder and going backwards. Very angular and birdlike.

    And then the tweakers, gah. I have never seen such unhappy-looking drug users. Nothing sexier than a 21 yr old who looks 80. Or like 50 miles of bad road.

    Thankfully, it's just weed, er dope, I mean shit nearby. I kind of worry about my hens getting a contact high and laying green eggs, at times.

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